Glad that you're here

Where do I begin?
Where do I end?
As soon as I wanna start,
I feel at a loss of words.
So much that has to be said,
so little time for all the unsaid.

Your mere presence is enough for me now,
the fact that you're there keeps me going,
I feel strong, I feel right about myself,
I'm what I was,
I've rediscovered myself with you around.
You're the magic that was missing all this while.

Wish I could have you around me always,
You know it is here that I feel the safest.
You're like that guiding star shining bright in the sky,
and not once would I hesitate to follow you.
I'm there always you know,
and I'm glad that you're here with me too!

Just being me

Me, Myself and I,
Lost, so lost,
for ages now!

That bubbly, chirpy me,
I was that way 3-4 years ago.
Then that side,
just disappeared!

I wonder, "why?"
Then I realize,
I was being someone,
others wanted me to.

I was under that carpet,
all this while,
then things changed,
you guys pulled me outta there.

Initially, I was avoiding it,
then that awakening happened.
I was so stupid,
all this while, all these years!

Why did I change my way of being?
for some insignificant few,
who never really cared,
never really bothered!

So, out of there now,
Life feels so good,
being me is the best feeling ever,
that happy, bubbly, chirpy me,
that you all now love!!

Lost Tears in Lonely Oceans

Huge as it may sound, were those vast oceans. Rippling water, it's blueness, the waves, all so lost in this emptiness of life. These huge gaps in my life, who is to fill them now? Lonely as it was, my life seemed to have lost all meaning. I never felt this clueless before, this lost and helpless. Tears roll down my cheeks even as I think about it. Every action and every word that hurt me, all go without an apology. Never once did I think I'd be seeing such a day in my life.

Was she always right when she warned me about such situations, I think to myself. I'm forced to believe that she was because it is now happening to me, the cracks and the patches, can never be mended.

Trust in you I've lost, I wouldn't be wrong when I say, a part of my life, a part of my existence is lost. The barren lands that lay in front of me, devoid of the long lost joy and glee of life, and are not very inviting. I'm afraid, I'm scared, of every move I make, every step I take. Going forward is the only option now but the thought of this destitute land kills me.

I cry, even more now, and then I laugh at this situation. Don't really know what to do. I'm feeling at a loss of words also and I've lost my intuitive ability to look ahead and think of what I might encounter now. As it is, there have been millions of shocking surprises I've already witnessed in this past month.

But now when I think of it, I realize that as days go by, I'm becoming stronger and much more immune to a lot of conditions, being ready for the worse to come. These lonely oceans have swallowed my tears and now have given me the courage to face that barren land ahead.

Over the limit under the influence

Things have gone above,
just over the limit,
and all this under the influence!

I never expected this,
never dreamt of it,
You have changed,
and all this under the influence!

I will stop you till I can,
I will surely do my best,
But it is your choice, alas!

Nothing is in my control,
nothing can be done now,
you have lost it completely,
and all this under the influence!

I wrote you a note

You still hadn't responded,
but I kept writing to you,
my notes to you continued,
and not once did you reply.

Nothing stopped me,
from writing to you,
although I knew,
deep down I was sad.

I was disheartened,
that you didn't seem to care,
that you ignored every note of mine,
and lived without being affected.

How could it not make a difference?
How could you just let it be?
I appreciate your control,
but you hurt me beyond words.

I still write to you
endlessly, hoping,
one day you would,
you would definitely reply.

Jumping into sinking sand

I was born,
with liberation and freedom.
Everything seemed right,
even those restrictions.

As a child,
life was great,
being a kid,
I had no worries.

There were some conditions,
drawn on our living,
but all seemed so right,
a part of our living.

Then I started growing up,
all of a sudden things changed,
I wanted to rebel and
demand explanations forever.

I did want to conform
to all that I had earlier,
but I did want to rebel
like I never did earlier.

It was my decision,
I chose this for myself,
everything depended on me,
I had jumped into this sinking sand.

Thereafter, the force was too strong,
pulled by this sand,
I saw no way at all
of coming out.

I went deeper and deeper
into this sinking sand,
not realizing the impact
of that one step.

All was well
when I was a child, and,
don't know when in these
years of growing up,
I screwd it all up!

Come closer my dear, my knife doesn't quite reach that far

In a moment, everything was gone,
your sight was blackened,
everything grew dim,
and all I said was,
come closer my dear,
my knife doesn't quite reach that far.


It was not a mistake,
it was completely intentional,
blood over my hands,
and all I said was,
come closer my dear,
my knife doesn't quite reach that far.

Only your body left,
your soul vanished,
it all happened quickly,
and all I said was,
come closer my dear,
my knife doesn't quite reach that far.

I hide from myself,
I stop breathing,
everything is standstill,
and all I said was,
come closer my dear,
my knife doesn't quite reach that far.

My shadow is upset,
my body seizes,
I cannot move,
and all I said was,
come closer my dear,
my knife doesn't quite reach that far.

Where am I now?
Is this a familiar place?
Meaning is beyond me,
why did I say then,
come closer my dear,
my knife doesn't quite reach that far.

On the street where the world goes by

A narrow street it was,

I walked along this path,

The world walked too,

But in an opposite direction.

I walked fast, I trembled,

The world still seemed to move on,

No one stopped,

I went unnoticed.

In such a huge world,

What else can one expect?

Pre-occupied with thoughts,

My pace seemed to fasten.

This street fascinated me,

It was amazing, this very sight,

How people just pushed each other,

And went their way.

Walking this street,

I saw mixed expressions,

The world went by,

On this street I travelled.

I was curious at first,

and then I assumed,

maybe it was taxing,

the stress of the day.

I moved on faster and faster,

hitting people in my way,

forcing my way through them,

I'd lived a life, on this street

where the world goes by.

Rain

This feels good. It feels like rain pattering down. I can smell it, I can feel the drops on my face.
This is what I've been longing for all these days. It has a great sense of amusement to it. A sense of freedom, a freedom to jump, to fly, to dance, to get lost in this flow. It'll take me places now, I know for sure. And, this feeling will stay with me, I can make it stay with me, I now have that power, nothing can take it away from me. I'm blessed. I feel rejoiced.

No force, no boundaries, nothing set to accomplish. A rough path outlined, and nothing else defined. I like it this way. I like life! But I still debate in my mind, the purpose of my existence. Indefinite, surreal, no answer. I debate over it again and again and will do so till I see some answer.

But right now the feeling is great to carry in me, within, things feel settled, resolved and smooth. No choking, no suffocation. Fresh and pleasant breeze around me, hits my face, my body. This rain has resolved so many things. I wish it continues and lasts for long. Out of the blue some things should happen, such things dawn many realizations.

I like this a lot, the smell, the breeze, the wind, the sound, the sight.... all my senses activated. I feel good now!

A feeling of resolution has dawned upon me after a long time. I now feel that the pieces are going back to where they belong and soon the puzzle will be complete. That completeness, that satisfaction, finally, after days together.
I had lost myself and everything seemed to fall apart. The puzzle was so jumbled that putting back the pieces seemed a difficult task. It's now happening, things are slowly falling back in place. It'll take time I know but at least I see the first sign now.
I'm feeling normal now, unlike that unknow self that was in play for the past few days. I'm back is all I can say and this feeling is darn good.

Are you all like this?
I wonder to myself.
This creepiness,
this abhorrence,
is it a part of you all?

Disgusted is not
the best word to describe my feeling
for such a repugnant act,
I detest it to the core,
I wish I could show you how.

It leaves me speechless,
not knowing what my next
best step would or
rather should be,
but I hate you and
that is for sure!

Now you deal with it,
it is none of my concern,
nor my problem anymore.
Lets see you cope with it,
I challenge you to this!

No where or Somewhere

They say it's very easy to disappear,
I agree with them.
It's so darn easy!
I'm lost, I've disappeared,
out of somewhere into no where.

I'm lost, so lost,
that I don't know how to get back,
how to get myself back there,
there where I'm better of,
out of no where into somewhere.

I need to figure this out now,
it's high time I did something about this,
such a state will destroy me,
I got to do something now.
How do I change this?
Out of no where into somewhere!

A constant thought in my head,
it never seems to leave me,
spining it's way in my mind,
it leaves debris behind,
out of no where into somewhere!

It's been quite sometime now,
feels very weird all of a sudden,
time has come to open my wings,
fly, fly high, up in the sky.

A free bird now,
that I am, I can think
freely and do what I wish,
here I go ,
on a new journey again!

My tears speak

I suddenly have fallen short of words, when I have so much to say. It usually never happens like this, but this time it's effect is way too much to deal with. I want to say this and that but how do I? I feel so caught in the tangles of the web that they hold me back from shouting or crying, or as a matter of fact even uttering a word. I suddenly feel choked, and my voice is refusing to come out. I try hard, very hard to deal with such a happening by my efforts go in vain.

Suddenly the tears that refused to roll down, seem to speak to me. They say something that leaves an ever-lasting impression.

Let me not fall,

be gone like a fly,

roling down your eyes,

to your cheeks and then disappear into the thin air.

As precious as a pearl,

waste me not on that,

Keep me within the shell,

and use me some other time,

one time when my right need be.

What do I do after such an utterance? I'm confused because what they spoke is true. So lost I've never felt and I'm only hoping that this state will unfold into a later good direction.

I've always lived my life aimlessly, without forming any definite path, going with the bends and flows... so feeling this lost, shouldn't really affect me, but why is it then?!

Hurt beyond words, I don't know where to look upon;

It's because of you few that I'm still holding my ground.

Courage and strength is what I need the most now,

Will you please be there for me, support me in this now?

I feel lonely and happiness doesn't seem to touch me,

It's the sorrowful breeze that hits me,

I should come out of this neat and clean,

Settle with myself and my doings is what I need.

Did you hear me?

You heard the alarm on your clock,
You heard the water down the tap,
You heard the coffee boil,
You heard the train whistle,
You heard the breeze,
You heard the buzzing bee,
You heard the leaves fall,
Every singe detail was heard by you,
But my voice went unnoticed,
in vain, you didn't hear me,
I called after you,
I cried for you,
I begged you to stay,
but...
My voice you never heard!

Cut the crap

For the person I am, to have finally made up mind and made a decision on my own is quite a big deal. But now that I've done that, one thing is for sure, nothing or no one can make me change my mind. I stand by it and I stick to it no matter what.
But why is it so difficult for people to digest it. I've made up my mind, I've decided upon something, that's it and that's how it'll be. Why even waste an ounce of your energy on trying to influence me or change my decision.
I rarely do such a thing. And when I actually do it, I do it after giving it a lot of thought, and then reaching a conclusion.
Today I've decided I'm going to quit, which means I am. Be it now or after two years, I've decided I'm off that one particular thing then it means that I'll never touch it again. It feels good, to have boiled down my options and decided something for certain, and I feel all the more great because I've finally decided to cut the crap out of my life and quit the horrible suffering of that one particular thing.
If my way be,
One chance is what I'd seek,
to undo things I did.
It hurts a lot,
but that chance is very meek.

I wish I was granted this wish,
I would surely undo the doing I did,
I didn't realize it was wrong,
and by the time I did,
it was too late.

A chance is all I want,
why is everything against me,
if I undo it all,
it'll all be fine.

I repent that move I made,
it was all in a haste-
under the influence of someone,
I'd do anything to correct it,
another chance is all I want!

But since it won't be my way and I won't be granted this wish, I rather stick to this decision of being strong, quitting it and de-stressing my life, relieving myself of this huge mess.
So be it this way then... I'm done with deciding, now do what you want I'll not change this thought of mine!!

Lost and Found

It all began on that one fine day when it was least expected... We'd lost touch with each other years ago, when different paths were chosen and ever since then I'd always wonder, "what came of him and how he'd be?" We did meet once, but situation forced me to ignore that encounter, and guilty of having done that, I always wanted another chance.

Friendship is a strong bond that may last forever if nourished and taken care of. It is very easy to lose friends but very difficult to be a good friend and let the bond grow and last forever.

I had found good friends, but within a minute I let circumstances destroy that good bond and moved on with life with a huge burden always carried along.

I wished for one chance, a small opportunity when I could relive everything and do away with my guilt and the heavy rock I was carrying. Finally, after ages, such an opportunity came across my doorstep. Unconsciously, I'd been looking for him and finally I spotted him. Making use of this golden chance, I contacted him and eagerly awaited a reply. My happiness knew no bounds when I saw a similar kind of excitement from him-that eagerness to cherish and relive all old times was a mutual feeling I realized.

We know things have changed, from that point, ages ago, we've come really far, each of us in our different paths- towards a different direction. Reliving those old times is something not possible, but we still have managed to come up with a substitute system to treasure this bond of friendship. The little conversations we have is a means of keeping it all alive after all these years.

Everything seems so old, yet so new. It's only a perspective. Now we're getting to each other better. We're no more kids like then, and sharing small nick nacks now is so different and makes much more sense. Old is not forgotten, memories lie fresh in my mind, but new is good too, a new direction to explore.

A few people a re always destined to be a part of our lives. Some where, some how, you happen to bump into them. It is then, that we take the initiative of protecting that bond, because it is these people who are one in a million with whom you can share this lovely bond of friendship; and upon whom you can lay your trust.

I'm glad I found him again and am now enjoying this sharing and relationship of friendship.

Thanks for coming back into my life friend! Cheers to this friendship of ours!

Magical Kingdom

It is truly as described below...

The sky looked enchanted,

the castle was magnificent,

I was amazed at this mystical world,

it felt like a feast to my eyes!

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Oh! In that kingdom far far way,

I had all my dreams fulfilled,

there was nothing more I could ask for,

I'd already reached cloud number 9!

................................................................

They call it the magic kingdom,

and it truly was so,

forgetting all my pains and sorrows,

I was bubbling with happiness!

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In this fantasy world,

I walked along glittering streets,

the noise around me spoke

about fulfilling dreams!

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There were brilliant fireworks,

that made the night sky shine.

I walked amidst princesses,

feeling like one myself!

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Everything here was so magical,

the air, the fragrance, the breeze, the noise,

no one would ever want to leave,

this very different kingdom!

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The wind swept me off the ground,

and took me to amazing places,

on Aladdin's magical carpet,

I now flew and saw the world!

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Cinderella's shoes were my very own,

I had a carriage waiting for me,

away I went in it,

to meet my Prince Charming!

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I sang and I danced,

all along my way,

with Mickey and Minnie beside me,

my wishes seemed so real!

................................................................

I never wanted this journey to end,

I didn't want to leave my castle,

fantasy was any day better than reality,

this kingdom felt like heaven!

.........................................................................

Leaving me spell-bound,

this far away land,

has a special place in my heart,

and it calls me now and then!

.............................................................

A beautiful day!

I woke up in the morning,
thinking to myself,
about the day beginning,
A beautiful day lay ahead,
I could see from my window still.

I peeked out of my window,
to look at all that I was to deal with,
the sun shone beautifully,
reminding me yet again of
the beautiful day that lay ahead!

It was finally time to get out,
I picked my bag and chose my path.
I walked amidst the woods,
the lovely trees,
swaying with the wind
were as if trying to say something-
that a beautiful day lay ahead!

The breeze hit my face,
I was reminded of you,
I smiled to myself and continued my walk.
The rustling leaves,
the rays of sunlight,
playing peek-a-boo in the woods,
all told me the same thing,
a beautiful day lay ahead of me!

The aromas were so strong,
I could feel your presence around me.
I looked around to see if you were there yet,
although I didn't find you, I knew
it was going to be soon that I would see you!
The squeaking squirrels also said the same thing-
that a beautiful day lay ahead!

I walked ahead and finally reached the end,
there you were, waiting for me with your arms open,
I ran the last few steps,
gushed like the wind, straight in your arms,
It was a pleasant feeling,
indeed, it was a beautiful day!

With you all along the way from there,
life felt worth living,
around me, the air was filled with joy,
every breath I took,
every step I'd walked till here,
every stone I'd bumped into,
every little thing, felt worth it!

The sea is so humongous,
its blueness is so incredible,
the shades in the sky above are so stunning,
the sun is beginning to set,
soon it'll be dark,
the moon and the stars will take there place,
in the wonderful pink, orange, purple and blue of the sky.

Walking along the shore,
hand-in-hand with you,
I still like the feeling in and around me,
The nature seems to be treating us,
laughing with us, singing with us,
in this love we hold for each other,
we're not alone, the wind plays with us,
the stars dance for us,
every one is happy,
everything is so chirpy.

With you around,
every day of my life,
is a beautiful day indeed!